A week after my essay on "how to succeed in Engineering," I have a new "perspective."

And it's not a great perspective.

I cannot stop comparing myself to others.

I think you can say I am a ~3.3 engineering student.

Over the past year, I've made changes from going from a 2.0 nearly-failing student to nearly a point and a half increase student. Over the course of a couple weeks I switched up my entire philosophy towards academics. No longer do I spend 6 hours a day playing video games. I spend that time on reviewing homework and doing assignments. The past mid-terms (which were just completed) my GPA at the moment is around 3.6, which is around ~89%. The number is nice. However, I never ever feel like I am ever doing enough.

I say to myself "89%? So what? The kid beside you got a 95% in that exam. His assignments are always 100%."

I said to myself prior to this quarter "the smart kids are actually just kids whom work hard enough to make things look easy/effortless."

My overhaul studying method involved following that philosophy. Maybe I'm not smart enough, but I guess I'll compensate by being hardworking.

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I did work harder, harder than I've ever done, but I still cannot compare.

And compare is what I keep doing. I cannot stop comparing myself to others. I cannot get over this stigma of "comparison." If I'm doing well, there is still the other guy who does better - always. I get 90%, the other individuals get 95%. I don't want to be just good, I also want to be amongst the best. But I don't know how. The remaining 5% increase is an effort that is beyond the time I have. I guess time management is another aspect I need to work on.

I am frustrated I never knew about hard work. I'm frustrated I knew so late. I'm frustrated I am playing catch-up. I am frustrated I am never good enough.